Scruffy the Octopus is one of my favorite possessions that I have accumulated from Korea. Awhile ago Kat and I went to the Coex Aquarium. We saw the fish and the turtles and the sharks and then were spat out into the gift store, and this marketing ploy worked. I like Scruffy-- not only because they took the slimiest, funkiest sea creature they could and made it into a plush toy-- but also because they made this plush toy a puppet. You can insert you hand into Scruffy and manipulate his tentacles. How cool is that? Right now Scruffy sits atop of the gumdo sword guarding my apartment.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
This Guy, This Guy Right Here
This guy, this guy right here is Mr. Kim. He was found on the streets of Suji and he asked if he could come in and sing a song. We figured, why not? He looks like he could use some waygook cheer. When he got hold of the microphone he told us he was director of a hagwon (private, after-school academy) and then told us how he was having a difficult time with his foreign teachers and how we should not visit certain party-places in Seoul. I was thinking, Maybe your foreign teachers don't like you because you follow them around and tell them what to do on their time off, just a guess. Anywhoo- he shut down Melissa and Ken in mid-song and that was it for Mr. Kim. Sometimes you can only stretch the cultural bridge so far.
A Picture in Which No One Looks Good
I have to quote Jeff on this one: "Good God, I can only imagine what it sounds like."
Closed for Business
Once again, here are some pics of trashed buildings around Suji. In the fall I came across this restaurant, which had a gorgeous garden out front. Now all that's left is an ornamental rock. I also came across an elementary school that had been hollowed out. The strange and eerie thing is that not much moving or salvaging seems to have been done to these places. At the school there were still desks, chairs, books, basketballs and other usable items that were just discarded. It makes me wonder what's the reason for all the destruction. Listed are some hypothesis:
1. The mob has taken control of the outskirts of Suji and come down hard on anyone who couldn't pay the extortion fee.
2. There's a radioactive plague that has infected these buildings; therefore, they must be torn down; therefore, I have that plague because I've entered the buildings.
3. The Korean Hell's Angels.
4. There are bands of mutant, Korean Were-Rats that prey on people on the outskirts of massive metropolitan areas. The only hope is to move to a massive apartment complex as soon as possible.
5. A berserker block party.
Unfortunately, for me, I know all these guesses are wrong. Seoul and outlying areas are growing by leaps and bounds and any structure two stories and less is getting gobbled up by large companies and corporations to build high rises. I understand, South Korea has the largest population density in the world. Still it's rather anti-climatic that my drunken, block party, were-rats is probably none other than Samsung and Hyundai building more apartments.
1. The mob has taken control of the outskirts of Suji and come down hard on anyone who couldn't pay the extortion fee.
2. There's a radioactive plague that has infected these buildings; therefore, they must be torn down; therefore, I have that plague because I've entered the buildings.
3. The Korean Hell's Angels.
4. There are bands of mutant, Korean Were-Rats that prey on people on the outskirts of massive metropolitan areas. The only hope is to move to a massive apartment complex as soon as possible.
5. A berserker block party.
Unfortunately, for me, I know all these guesses are wrong. Seoul and outlying areas are growing by leaps and bounds and any structure two stories and less is getting gobbled up by large companies and corporations to build high rises. I understand, South Korea has the largest population density in the world. Still it's rather anti-climatic that my drunken, block party, were-rats is probably none other than Samsung and Hyundai building more apartments.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
CB Festival 4
This was the weekend for the cherry blossom festival. Actually, it wasn't much of a festival, just a bunch of people walking around under the cherry trees, but it was beautiful as you can see. At night the trees glow with radioactivity.
Toliet Man
A terrible name for a superhero. You know you're in trouble when you have to cry out, "Save me Toilet Man!"
Saturday, April 14, 2007
What's in a Name?
I've written about the kids before and mentioned how their names might be something like Sally or John. Believe it or not, Sally and John are not their real names. When they come to the school, we give them English names in an attempt to brainwash them and strip them of their identity. Actually, many of the kids choose their own names; therefore, we end up with an excess of Jennys and Harrys, a name made popular by Harry Potter that was formally on its way out seeing as how it describes the amount of hair one has their body.
A few weeks ago Don, an nine year old student, who had had enough of his name, and being the over-zealous wrestling fan that he is, renamed himself John Zeena after the wrestling icon. He would then stand up in class and proclaim, "My is very angry," to which I would correct, "'I am very angry,' John Zeena. You mean to say, 'I am very angry.'" He then renamed everyone in the class after other wrestling super stars. I became Undertaker teacher, a title that I still proudly proclaim. Still, I'm wondering if I shouldn't do a total name make over on my classes just like Don, I mean 'John Zeena' did in order to rid the classrooms of excess Jennys, Sallys and Johns. Here are some themes on the idea:
1. Name them after Simpson Characters
We could have Bart, Lisa, Homer, Marge, Principal Skinner, Grounds Keeper Willy. This would help educate the students about one of the finer aspects of American culture. Plus there is also a wealth of names to choose from.
2. Name them after Car Models
We could have Mercedes, Lexus, Elantra, Bronco, Silverado, F-150. The possiblities are endless.
3. Give them Animal Names
Fluffy, Mittens, Frisky, Rover, Rex, Prince, Boots, the list goes on and on.
4. Name them after the Adjectives that describe them (the Seven Dwarf method)
This has the advantage that I could probably remember their names better this way. Possible names include: Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy, Dirty, Smiley, Smelly, Really Smelly, etc. I just hope this doesn't backfire and the kids don't start doing the same thing with the foreign teachers. Possible names for us include: Hairy, Whitey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Drunk, Ugly, Really Ugly, etc.
5. Viking Conquerer Names
This is a spin off of the adjectives idea in that the kids would be named after what they are known for.
"Hello, I am Gothar, Speaker of Konglish and Demoralizer of Waygooks."
"Pleased. I am Kronos, Mangler of English and Shooter of the Spitwads. Have you met my friend Johndibar, Master of the Kimchi Farts?"
I think a Far Side comic has a version of this with dogs.
These are just silly ideas, however, one child did succeed in pissing me off the other day. I was trying to pronounce his Korean name and apparently I was doing a very bad job of it because the class would not stop laughing every time I said it. Finally I got fed up and said, "Sang-Il, your name is now Bart." The great Simpson renaming has begun.
I've written about the kids before and mentioned how their names might be something like Sally or John. Believe it or not, Sally and John are not their real names. When they come to the school, we give them English names in an attempt to brainwash them and strip them of their identity. Actually, many of the kids choose their own names; therefore, we end up with an excess of Jennys and Harrys, a name made popular by Harry Potter that was formally on its way out seeing as how it describes the amount of hair one has their body.
A few weeks ago Don, an nine year old student, who had had enough of his name, and being the over-zealous wrestling fan that he is, renamed himself John Zeena after the wrestling icon. He would then stand up in class and proclaim, "My is very angry," to which I would correct, "'I am very angry,' John Zeena. You mean to say, 'I am very angry.'" He then renamed everyone in the class after other wrestling super stars. I became Undertaker teacher, a title that I still proudly proclaim. Still, I'm wondering if I shouldn't do a total name make over on my classes just like Don, I mean 'John Zeena' did in order to rid the classrooms of excess Jennys, Sallys and Johns. Here are some themes on the idea:
1. Name them after Simpson Characters
We could have Bart, Lisa, Homer, Marge, Principal Skinner, Grounds Keeper Willy. This would help educate the students about one of the finer aspects of American culture. Plus there is also a wealth of names to choose from.
2. Name them after Car Models
We could have Mercedes, Lexus, Elantra, Bronco, Silverado, F-150. The possiblities are endless.
3. Give them Animal Names
Fluffy, Mittens, Frisky, Rover, Rex, Prince, Boots, the list goes on and on.
4. Name them after the Adjectives that describe them (the Seven Dwarf method)
This has the advantage that I could probably remember their names better this way. Possible names include: Sleepy, Grumpy, Happy, Dirty, Smiley, Smelly, Really Smelly, etc. I just hope this doesn't backfire and the kids don't start doing the same thing with the foreign teachers. Possible names for us include: Hairy, Whitey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Drunk, Ugly, Really Ugly, etc.
5. Viking Conquerer Names
This is a spin off of the adjectives idea in that the kids would be named after what they are known for.
"Hello, I am Gothar, Speaker of Konglish and Demoralizer of Waygooks."
"Pleased. I am Kronos, Mangler of English and Shooter of the Spitwads. Have you met my friend Johndibar, Master of the Kimchi Farts?"
I think a Far Side comic has a version of this with dogs.
These are just silly ideas, however, one child did succeed in pissing me off the other day. I was trying to pronounce his Korean name and apparently I was doing a very bad job of it because the class would not stop laughing every time I said it. Finally I got fed up and said, "Sang-Il, your name is now Bart." The great Simpson renaming has begun.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
What Happened?
On my weekend forays, when I ride my bike around Suji, I used to ride my bike past this house. I noticed it because there aren't many legitimate houses around here. It appeared to be a nice house before but now it's completely gutted. The other houses around this area have the same thing. Furthermore, there were shoes, clothes, pictures and food strewn around the inside of the house. I have no idea what happened and it was kind of creepy. As I crept around and inspected the place I half expected mutant vampire zombies to jump out and attack. Anybody know what happened?
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Some Light Reading
Today, for your reading pleasure, I submit two pieces written by anonymous Korean nationals attempting to use the English language:
New Advertisement for Baskin Robbins
Our first piece was written by an anonymous young English student in Ken Teacher's class attempting to answer the question, What do you like to do on the Internet? This is the response:
Ice Cream is always in the we. Ice cream is very cold. because we very many eats we have a cold. Ice cream is good test. Ice Cream is good test at strawvery test. Ice cream is a lot of sheep.I see scircle and shit. they are very pretty. I like lice cream.
This is the best essay ever. Sure, the kid totally missed that whole Internet thing, but they wrote about what they loved. At first I thought the kid had written this essay in Korean, plugged it into one of those horrible translating programs you can find on the net, and then wrote the thing down. When you sit down and actually try and decipher the language though you can see that the kid actually tried. When they wrote "test" they were actually trying to say "taste", "Sheep" is actually supposed to be "shape", "scircle" is "circle and "shit" is... well you got me there. Maybe the kid ran out of things to say and wanted to swear. Just watch out for lice cream. That stuff sounds terrible.
Send to Premier Bush
I was waiting outside of the school a few weeks ago when I guy came up to me, handed me a hand written note and just walked off. The next night he approached me again and gave me a typed version of roughly the same note with a few minor changes. If anyone in the states wants to pass this along to the president or congress, I'm sure the dedicated and strange man would be thankful.
Take My Message to the White House
1.Don't give any money to the Japanese.
2.Even the Japanese has Money, don't give any Oil to the Japanese.
3. Turn the Japanese out of the American Continent and Australia Know, if not, pull the treegar or thrust with the dagger.
4. Give much money to the Chinese.
5. Give much Oil to the Chinese.
6. Send the Chinese in the American Continent and Australia Know.
So there you have it folks, Asian foreign policy summed up in easy to understand numerical format. This just shows that there's still a lot of bad blood between some of the Asian nations. I just hope this guy thought that he'd give his letter to some waygook and his job was done, though I could hit the guy up to buy some private English lessons off of me in drafting and writing manifestos and ransom notes.
Pics of nothing related follow.
Today, for your reading pleasure, I submit two pieces written by anonymous Korean nationals attempting to use the English language:
New Advertisement for Baskin Robbins
Our first piece was written by an anonymous young English student in Ken Teacher's class attempting to answer the question, What do you like to do on the Internet? This is the response:
Ice Cream is always in the we. Ice cream is very cold. because we very many eats we have a cold. Ice cream is good test. Ice Cream is good test at strawvery test. Ice cream is a lot of sheep.I see scircle and shit. they are very pretty. I like lice cream.
This is the best essay ever. Sure, the kid totally missed that whole Internet thing, but they wrote about what they loved. At first I thought the kid had written this essay in Korean, plugged it into one of those horrible translating programs you can find on the net, and then wrote the thing down. When you sit down and actually try and decipher the language though you can see that the kid actually tried. When they wrote "test" they were actually trying to say "taste", "Sheep" is actually supposed to be "shape", "scircle" is "circle and "shit" is... well you got me there. Maybe the kid ran out of things to say and wanted to swear. Just watch out for lice cream. That stuff sounds terrible.
Send to Premier Bush
I was waiting outside of the school a few weeks ago when I guy came up to me, handed me a hand written note and just walked off. The next night he approached me again and gave me a typed version of roughly the same note with a few minor changes. If anyone in the states wants to pass this along to the president or congress, I'm sure the dedicated and strange man would be thankful.
Take My Message to the White House
1.Don't give any money to the Japanese.
2.Even the Japanese has Money, don't give any Oil to the Japanese.
3. Turn the Japanese out of the American Continent and Australia Know, if not, pull the treegar or thrust with the dagger.
4. Give much money to the Chinese.
5. Give much Oil to the Chinese.
6. Send the Chinese in the American Continent and Australia Know.
So there you have it folks, Asian foreign policy summed up in easy to understand numerical format. This just shows that there's still a lot of bad blood between some of the Asian nations. I just hope this guy thought that he'd give his letter to some waygook and his job was done, though I could hit the guy up to buy some private English lessons off of me in drafting and writing manifestos and ransom notes.
Pics of nothing related follow.
Reaping the Rewards of Avalon
Avalon School just hit a 10,000 student enrollment. Woo-Hoo, we're the Wal-Mart of English academies! As a reward to their teachers, we each received two bottles of wine. Now I have Spam and wine, how high class am I?
Long live the King
So this is what I've devoted countless hours of countless nights doing, drinking with these yahoos and playing Settlers of Katan. For those of you who have never played the game and are now rolling your eyes, piss off! The game takes strategy and skill and lot of yelling at the other players. We set up a tournament where the first player to over fifty points won a night on the town, and through some strategizing and random dumb luck, I won. The king also had to down a few shots of soju. It's not my favor stuff to drink so Nathan 2.0 had to help me, much to his obvious pleasure.
Constitution of Katan
These are the rules for our next tournament game. Read them and weep, literally.
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