Sunday, December 11, 2011

The #$%&ing Swear Jar!

The other day Kat and I were talking traits and habits that we'd like Gavin to exhibit. We'd like him to be polite, to say please and thank you, to put away his toys, and we don't want to have a kid that swears. I know you've seen that kid-- that kid that somewhere picked up a swear word, found that when he/she says it that it gets an emotional response out of adults, and then uses it every chance he/she gets. We figured that the best way for Gavin not to be that kid is to curtail our swearing now. Thus we brought out the swear jar.

I thought this would be easy. I live with two women from LA. When my wife gets wound up, she can come up with swears that I didn't know existed. Yes, I thought it'd be easy--but apparently I have tourette's. I didn't know I had this syndrome, but I seem to lack the skill to control my profane outbursts. I've put 70 %#@*ing dollars in swear jar to date. The girls are laughing at me now. I'll be okay, but then I'll burn myself, or drop some toast, or eat something spicy, and the profanities just roll out of me. Mom, Dad, I apologize; I've become that swearing child.

And my wife and my sister in-law are %&#!ing nazis about the swear jar. The'll catch me with a swear to which I'll reply, "%$#@ing *&%$!" thus upping the ante.

However, I am starting to catch on. I honestly don't have enough money in the bank to keep going like I am. Now I've started making up my own swears. The computer will crash and something like, "sasafras!" or "polish spice!" or "frying pants!" will come out of my mouth. It's not the most dignified thing, but it's a habit that I'm slowly starting to master. It's a lot of #$&%ing work, but one day, I will overcome!

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