Secret Teaching Methodology

Arggggh! (Insert pirate voice) Ye be readin the lost and secret post of the wayward pirate, Karmaking: torturer of young Asian children and keeper of the blog, argggh! In this here post is a story of comic tragedy and ultimate loss, arggh! It all began on a stormy morn when I traveled to the kindergarten where I been a teachin'. T'was me last day at the hellhole with the rotten vermin and I t'was looking forward to a long repose. Captain Newbie of the Canadan crew t'was to be my replacment and he came to watch my attempts at educatin the little scaliwags.

Enough of that-- one can only do the pirate voice for so long at it's much easier to speak it than write it. The story goes like this: 1. for the last two months I was teaching at a kindergarten in the morning for extra money, 2. Some days were great others were absolute hell, 3. I got tired of it so I found a replacement.

For the most part the kids liked me and we got along well. Sometimes I found myself reading a story with a kid on my lap and all of us wearing funny hats. Honestly, years ago I never saw myself following this path in life. Still, not every kid liked me. There was one five year old who demonstrated a particular hatred towards me. The first thing he would do when I walked in the door was cock his fist back and try and hit me, and a five year old's fists are right at crotch level. I learned to block his violent attacks with my leg but still, I didn't appreciate the fact that I was the victim of this little Korean's misguided rage. I thought about complaining to the Korean teacher but then I realized I would be the thirty year old tattling on the five year old, "Teacher, he won't stop hitting me!" Instead I told this pint sized terror that I loved him when ever he attacked, which only provoked another attack. I think he is the Asian Antichrist.

Another thing that would happen is kids would spontaneously break out in tears. It happens with four year olds. Along with trying to get them to parrot my English I also tried to keep the kids from crying , hitting each other and crapping their pants. Honestly English was the last thing on some of their minds. On my last day I introduced my replacement, and one of the four year olds had a complete fit. I was teaching away when a new kid just lost it. The Korean teacher had left the room to get snacks and the this sensitive little guy, looked around the room, could not spy anyone that looked remotely like his mother, instead saw there were two goofy foreigners singing a devil song called Old MacDonald and he let it fly. His grief so great that he stood up in the middle of class and howled. Now I would have liked to console the kid, but I've found that in some obscure way I am usually the source of the crying child's grief, so the closer I come the worse it gets. Instead I did the only thing I could think of and snapped a few pictures of him. If you look at the pic (down below) the girl in pink held the little boy's hand until his despair had sufficiently passed. They're better at taking care of each other than I am.

But really, most the kids liked me. At times they would coming running to me to give me hugs. Keep in mind that once again these kids are right at crotch level. They would sprint full tilt at me and head butt me right in the nads. It's a little tough to shout out English to these kids after that happens. This is an action I can only hope they outgrow later in life.

Most of the time we would draw faces on the board, play with plastic animals and sing songs. It was exhausting work but at time it was good, even fun. Ah yes, it was a good time and the best part is that it's over. Argggh!